Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Family.

(please excuse the blurry pixelated photo)

I'm sorry, prepare yourself for a rant:

Last week my Aunt Tammy was in town for BYU Women's conference. I love that woman! She took us out to dinner one night while she was here. While it was soooo fun to catch up, I couldn't help but just feel more homesick! Homesick for the ranch, for family dinners every week, for my sweet little cousins, for dirt roads and long horseback rides {insert pregnant hormones on an already emotional woman-lots of tears}. I feel extremely blessed to have grown up in a town with so much family close by. While this upcoming move to Boston is something that Steve and I have prayed about and know is right...I can't help but ache every time I think about it lately! 

Boston will be such a fun adventure, a truly unique experience. I really am grateful for the opportunity,  but the pain of homesickness has become more and more acute as we've been preparing to welcome this baby into our family. I want him/her to have the same kind of support and community that I had growing up. I want them to grow up with fresh air and green grass, with plenty of room to explore and grow. I know I'm biased, but I love my family! I can't stand the idea of my children not knowing my parents as intimately as I knew my grandparents! I want to take my kids on long rides and talk about life. I want to give them the rich upbringing and background that I had. More than that, I don't want to lose that part of ME. There's not a week that goes by that I don't dream of being in the saddle. Seriously, feeling that freedom is like nothing else, it's hard to describe. I don't want to lose that part of me that is the most unique... the most me

Now the knot in my chest is coming and I don't think I can stem the tears, but it feels good to write this down. Even if it's too long and boring for anyone to read but myself. I don't often delve into emotions of this blog but I just couldn't keep it in. Dare I blame it on the pregnancy? All I know is that I've got deep roots on a cattle ranch in northern California and I miss it terribly.

Dear Steve and Tay and Brooke and Zane, 

Let's all move back to Coarsegold and raise our babies together.

Love, Jess



13 comments:

  1. I'm in total agreement. I love you Jess.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I too am in agreement with you and Ms. Taylor!! Praying for you sweet girl <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. i can't imagine, picking up and moving across the country. :(

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Jess, I totally understand this feeling. Totally. Well, minus the open spaces and horses part! I do know, though, that Heavenly Father brings us to the people and places in our lives that will lead us to greater happiness than we could have brought ourselves. It will keep being hard to be away from 'home', but you'll have blessings to compensate. LOVE YOU. Let's skype soon my dear.

    ReplyDelete
  5. :( Big moves are tough. I moved from the wide open country roads of West Virginia to Seattle! HARDEST THING EVER. But try to trust that God knows best. Right now it's hard to see the big picture, but he totally has a plan. Things worked out great for me, even though most days are harder than I'd like to admit. I'm sure they will work out exceedingly well for you also.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree with Danielle and Susan. This move will, as long as you let it and are open to it,bring many new experiences and blessings that you wouldn't have experienced anywhere else. Take it from someone who has moved 8 times in 12 years of marriage. Each time I leave one home for another I think, how could I love another place like this? But I do! Just in a different way and for different reasons. I feel the pull to the mountains just like you and somehow we are slowly getting closer. Kerman.....almost there. Lol!! Enjoy your Journey! And don't worry, I am sure your parents will be flying there every weekend if they can. And babies don't remember much when they are little. You have 18 years to get back, and you will. Have fun and good luck. And Find that JOY in your Journey ;) HUGS!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree with Danielle and Susan. This move will, as long as you let it and are open to it,bring many new experiences and blessings that you wouldn't have experienced anywhere else. Take it from someone who has moved 8 times in 12 years of marriage. Each time I leave one home for another I think, how could I love another place like this? But I do! Just in a different way and for different reasons. I feel the pull to the mountains just like you and somehow we are slowly getting closer. Kerman.....almost there. Lol!! Enjoy your Journey! And don't worry, I am sure your parents will be flying there every weekend if they can. And babies don't remember much when they are little. You have 18 years to get back, and you will. Have fun and good luck. And Find that JOY in your Journey ;) HUGS!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. My family is just 3 hours away, but I am feeling the same way. I grew up with both of my grandparents right down the street. I'm due to give birth any day now and I hate the thought of my baby not being as close to my parents as I am to my grandparents! I made a book for my son on Shutterfly called "Shepherd's Family" and put pictures of mine and my husbands family in it for him to look at and know their faces! Good luck with your move! Even though I also hate the thought of being away from family while welcoming a new baby, if we were given the opportunity to move somewhere new and exciting I would definitely take on that adventure!! Congrats on your pregnancy!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I absolutely LOVE this post. I love when we can share our deeper emotions and help each other get through this crazy world. I grew up away from family, so I can't relate on that note, but I can on being homesick. I am super close to my parents, wouldn't last at sleepovers because I would get homesick from across the street and would go home to be with my family. So being alone in Arizona, which is the opposite of Hawaii, is really hard. I have to tell myself everyday to focus on what I am gaining and not what I have left behind. Plus the great thing about family is that they will always be there for you. I skype with my mom almost everyday so she can see Kalei and it totally works. When she visits Kalei runs into her arms.
    p.s. I have an uncle at Harvard, I could lend him to you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. HOME is always where the heart is. Life may take you elsewhere but home will always be with you, in your heart. However if your path in life brings you even close to home I would love it! Until then VISIT.xoxo Mom

    ReplyDelete
  11. Congratulations!!! I am so excited for you to become a momma and a pappa. You will be wonderful!

    My husband and I are both from "out west" and we moved to New York for his master's degree. We had sooo many fun adventures, but we also experienced lots of un-adventures there too. Ultimately, our time away from family solidified our marriage. We also welcomed our first baby into our family there in upstate New York. The outpouring of love and support from friends and ward members was amazing! If this move is the right thing for you, I believe it will be one of the best experiences of your life. :) Best wishes!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh Jess, I feel for ya! It has been a great adventure living out here in Michigan, exploring a new place and doing new things. But Pete and I definitely feel homesick every once in a while. Especially lately for some reason. I think it's because of the baby... the only person from our families who has seen him in person is my mom! Which is weird... with the other ones we were flooded by family at the hospital and at home for the first several weeks. And to think I complained about not having enough time with just our own little family! Now it's quite the opposite. Just expect a little homesickness every once in a while. But focus on the experiences you're having... growing closer as a couple/family, having to rely solely on each other, exploring a new part of the country, meeting new people... I'm sure you'll have a great experience. And then if you do end up closer to "home" in the end, it will feel that much more rewarding.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jessica, just in case this looks like it came from Mom, it didn't. This is your wonderful younger brother Zane and I LOVE YOU. Just in case you're wondering we all think about you every time we get in the saddle. I concur wholeheartedly as well. We should definitely all move back and raise our children together. Also I am stoked beyond belief to be Uncle Zane :)

    ReplyDelete

Love Notes