I have this vivid memory. I was walking my kindergarteners out to meet their parents in the parking lot, watching them run and hug their moms. I remember thinking, I love my job, I love our life, I love this school. I'm pretty good at what I do, but this is not my calling. I want to be those moms.
I was in no huge rush, but I've always known I wanted to be a mom. Every year Steve and I were married I wanted it more and more. Then, one frigid Tuesday night, Steve and I were casually talking about it over sushi and it just kind of hit us. It felt right and we were ready. and as luck would have it, about three weeks later we found a little pink plus sign on a pregnancy test taken on a whim.
I was excited then about the possibilities this new future held for me, and for our family, but I could have never expected just how good it would be. I expected it to be good. I expected to love my baby. but I also had this little cloud of doubt hanging in the back of my mind. I'd always loved kids, I'd done my fair share of babysitting and nannying (not to mention Elementary school teaching) and no matter how much I loved those kids, there always came a point where I was ready to hand them back to Mom, go home and be responsible for only me. I knew this would never happen as a parent and I expected it to be a little overwhelming, worth it, but overwhelming.
How could I know then just how good it would be? I didn't and I couldn't. I know not everyone feels this way about being a full-time stay-at-home mother and that's OK, but I honestly feel the happiest and most fulfilled that I have ever felt in my life. Clara has given me a whole new purpose and drive for myself. I can't even tell you how much I enjoy this calling of motherhood. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know that's not necessarily the trendy thing to say these days but I wouldn't rather be doing anything else.
I was born for this.
An early wake up call to this smiley little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me- aside from meeting her dashing curly-headed father. I love this little life of ours.