on weaning and breastfeeding and things i could have never understood until i was a mother.
so...we're starting to wean. i have really mixed feelings about it. when i was pregnant i just assumed i would try and nurse Clara until she was a year- then wean her off. because that was normal and healthy and everything. you know. that is, if i even could nurse her that long, because according to my mom we all weaned ourselves around nine months and there was nothing you could really do about that. clara was born and two to three days into it...i loved it. she loved it. it felt so empowering- she was chunking up and with every single roll I beamed with pride knowing I put it there! I was giving her something that nobody else could- that helped her grow and made her strong. I felt so connected to her when we'd nurse. I could read her signs and knew what she needed, when she needed it. we were in sync. I was proud of myself- i felt like a good mom. she nursed exclusively until she was six months old then i would sporadically give her solid snacks around dinner time to get her used to different flavors- but they were just snacks. she was still nursing full time until about a week ago.
in the last month i started noticing a change. either my milk supply is going down or she just can't thrive on milk alone anymore. i decided i needed to start giving her more "meals" than just snacks. we are still nursing every 3ish hours but they are definitely turning into the snacks and the real food is more like the meal. even though i trust myself and i know this is the right thing for her... it still makes my heart ache. i would have never in a million years thought that this would be a hard thing! every time she arches her back and fusses telling me she's done nursing- she needs more- it chips away at my mommy self esteem. i know it shouldn't, that it's normal. it does just the same though. i feel like Clara and I are off-sync for the first time since she was born. I'm not quite as sure I know exactly what she needs- i don't feel like I'm the end all for her happiness anymore. bleh. it's hard.
heaven help me when i wean her for good. Any tips for this rookie?
Bonus: photo of Clara with hat hair. you're welcome.