Thursday, October 03, 2013

Guilt.


sheesh, I had never felt so much guilt before becoming a mother.



I had to go to the grocery store with the baby and it's cold outside. guilt.

I hand my baby my phone so she'll chill out long enough for me to change her diaper. guilt.

I traveled to see family and exposed my baby to germs on the airplane. guilt.

I let my baby cry it out in the crib. guilt.

She hit her head on the coffee table as she tried to pull herself up. guilt.

I let her eat "puffs" so I can concentrate on making dinner. guilt. 

My baby screams when she wants more food. am I spoiling her? guilt.

etc. etc. etc.



Ha. Am I ridiculous or what? it's ridiculous! I'm a good mom. I love my baby- I'd do anything for her. Why why why do I beat myself up so much?! When Clara was younger I had so much confidence in myself as a mother. now that I'm having to start teaching her boundaries and feeding her scary grown up food- I find myself second guessing myself a lot. I was voicing some of my insecurities about mothering Clara the other night to Steve and he reminded me that I'm doing the most important thing right, and that is loving her. that guy, man. love him.

so I guess all this is to say that I need to remind myself that I'm not perfect, but that's ok. I'm a good mom. I love my girl and I'd go to war for her. that's the most important thing and I've got that down, so everything else can't be alllll that bad. Do you feel me? 

and on that note- I think we all need to cut ourselves (and others- in the spirit of full disclosure) some slack. I would venture to say that most moms out there are doing their utmost, very best to love their kids and bring them up the best way they see fit. That's the goal here anyway, right?

and also, babycenter kind of stresses me out. a lot. 

ok I'm done, amen. 

Happy Thursday!

(also, Clara in her jammies with two of this week's shiners- on both sides of her face...)






10 comments:

  1. You certainly ARE a good mama! And Clara will always know your love.

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  2. I know that feeling. Now that my boy is 13, I hardly feel that way.. but when he was little, i was always guilt ridden questioning myself all the time. But then, you are absolutely right about loving him/her is the most important thing and if that thing is down, everything will fall into the places. At least I want to think that way. Just seeing her on your blog and reading your post, I can assure you are a loving, caring, wonderful mom.

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  3. Aww this was a very nice post! I think that we have created a society (with Facebook and Pinterest) where we are constantly seeing only the very best of people, making us feel like there is something perfect out there that we just can't quite reach. I think that Steve was very right when he said that you are doing the most important thing right because there are people that come from drug addicted families and poverty-stricken families that have love and turn out just fine. Thanks for sharing your insights! :)

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  4. How could you be anything but a wonderful mother?! Love trumps all. I often feel the same way and I have to remind myself to cut myself some slack. They're happy, thriving, loved little boys whose mama likes to spend quality time with them. (Putting my to-do list and phone away for an hour to concentrate on my boys is my personal remedy to mama guilt.) Keep trekking on, girl! Clara thinks the world of you.

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  5. You are my number one inspiration, Jessica! When I am a mom I want to do it like you do. Your unconditional love towards your girl can be felt through your blog and this is why I love to read it so much! Heck, just look at that happy face! It screams what a wonderful mom you are. One day your Clara girl will come to you to say what a perfect job you have done!

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  6. Seriously!?!?!?! the guilt is horrible! But you are right-you love her and that is important. And she is happy!!! All of those smiles wouldn't be there if she didn't love ya and think you were doing fantastic.

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  7. Jess- I needed this! Thank you! Dosen't the song go, "Livin' on love"... so true. :D
    Tell Steve Josh says "Hi"! :D
    - Kirsten

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  8. I totally feel your pain! I find myself doing things I always said I wouldn't do..... You are an amazing mother. Clara always looks so happy. Those pj's are to die for!

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  9. i am right there with you about the mummy guilt. it just creeps up on you when you least expect it. but we love our babies and would do anything for them, that is being an amazing mummy to me :)

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  10. I agree! Although I've been told many times I'm really laid back for a first time mom, so I take that as a compliment! All I do is read up on EVERYTHING and then follow my gut. There's still lots of guilt, but I also feel extremely confident in most of my choices. Try not to let those thoughts creep in too much. Clara look perfectly happy, healthy, and loved.

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